That darned cat

I am seriously thinking of offering to sell my 6 month old kitten to Iran, or any other country that would want a weapon of mass destruction.  I think I could make a fortune, she is pretty inexpensive to maintain and seems to have an unlimited supply of energy and every time you think she is at the peak of her destructive powers, you get a surprise.  Though that would probably lower the price; the fact that she is completely unpredictable and uncontrollable. 

She even has thumbs, and while the vet keeps assuring me that they are not opposable or functional, I have my doubts.

My older cat, let’s call him H, is a very mellow cat.  He never tries to eat your food (unless it’s tomato basil rice cakes, green olives, or blueberry flax cookies), never jumps on counters or anything higher than the couch or bed, is afraid to go outside, and restricts his play to things I plan to throw away anyhow like Qtips or wrappers.  I’ve had him since he was 2 months old, and I swear, he came that way, I never even had to show him the litter box.  I don’t think I ever fully appreciated him until recently when we got the kitten.

The kitten, little S, will eat anything she can attain (even a salad isn’t safe), will play with everything, and I’m starting to think she is afraid of the floor since I don’t recall the last time I saw her at ground level, unless she is making a mad dash to run outside before we have a chance to close the door.  Seriously, if you want to find the kitten, jiggle a doorknob.

I have seen her open drawers to get to stuff; I even woke up to her trying to pull an earplug out of my ear in the middle of the night to play with it.

Her most recent act of kitten destruction, she managed to knock over half (though how she got the two halves apart I’ll never know) of my drawer storage in the bathroom.  Not the half that contains the bigger items like spare bottles of shampoo, no, of course not.  She pulled down the half that had all the little things in it, like makeup, jewellery, hairpins, etc.

5 full drawers all spilled out onto the bathroom floor. When did she do this you ask, well I don’t know exactly when she did it, I found it at 12:30 AM after an exhausting family party and an hour long drive home in crappy weather.  Did I mention I had to work the next morning?  Just as I dropped my arms in despair, a small black bundle of very guilty looking fur came slowly out of the bedroom looking as guilty as a cat can possible look, and I instantly melted.  I gave her a snuggle and she watched, very calm and not daring to approach the scene of her crime, while I picked it all up.

I think that would increase the price, I mean a nuclear bomb can’t be cute after all of its destruction now can it.