How I met his kids

We had been dating for a couple of months, things were going well so far, and we had been keeping things on the down low because we wanted to see if things worked between us without adding in any extra variables.  I had always refused to date guys with kids before, and I knew that his relationship with his ex was complicated to say the least, but I had a good feeling about this one.  I was beyond freaked out though, I wasn’t sure I was up to the task of being a stepmom, or even if I wanted to be.

Then there came a point where we had to see how things would go with the kids.  As much as we were into each other, we know that my bond with the kids, or lack thereof, would be a deal breaker.  So we took the plunge.

We decided to start with the boys, as they were older, and his daughter was only 18 months old at the time.  We picked a nice neutral place, bowling.  He had told me a lot about them already, so I had an idea of what to expect.  Boy 1, the oldest, was friendly and outgoing and affectionate, Boy 2 was quiet and reserved, mostly due to his dysphasia and lack of verbal skills.  We met at the alley, played a few sets.  Boy 1 didn’t take long to warm to me, Boy 2 only gave me a few smiles, but my BF said he thought it went well, the kids liked me, and I liked them.

A couple of weeks later it was Easter, and I was invited to meet his family, as well as his daughter.  Everyone was there by the time I arrived.  I opened the door to my name being shrieked.  Boy 1 ran to me and gave me a great big hug.  My future MIL smiled, so far I was making a great first impression.  Then as I was taking off my shoes, Boy 2 calmly walked up to me and gave me a quick hug around my legs, I didn’t realize then how meaningful that was.  My MIL was shocked, but in a very pleasant way, she knew how rare it is for him to demonstrate physical affection, even if I didn’t at the time.

Next was the Girl, who proceeded to not say a word and give me the stink-eye all through brunch.  Even an Easter chocolate only got me a warily opened hand.  She was only 18 months old at the time, but her little personality was starting to show.  It was only late in the evening that I got a small smile from her.  I know now that it’s just the way she reacts to unfamiliarity, she basically shuts down, no sound, no expression of any kind.

I focused on the boys, and the in-laws that I had just met.  I remember it felt like a really stressful job interview, both sides trying to figure out whether or not I could one day fit into this family.  MIL1 was distant but polite, but the fact that I obviously made her son and grandsons happy encouraged her.

Fast forward to my BF’s next visitation weekend, he gets the kids in the car, put the key in the ignition, and immediately hears “Where’s Damsel?”, and that was it, I was in for the ride of my life.  Now I think of easter as our family's anniversary, the day our new family started.

Inspired by Mama Kat’s pretty much world famous writing prompts - An Easter memory

Someone I talked to today

I am not by nature a patient person, though I try to be as patient as possible with the kids.  This week at the new job really took its toll on my energy levels, and patience.  Today I had a bad stepmom moment that unexpectedly turned into a reassurance moment.  I was at the grocery store with SS1 and SD, and all morning I had been hearing “my mom does…this way” from SS1.  I have a rule that I never badmouth their mom in front of them, but the constant repetition of “at mom’s house” and the such really gets on my nerves.

We were in the cereal aisle when SS1 informed me that his mom went through all of the aisles when she does the groceries, and I replied “Am I your mom?” to which he said no, and I said “then can you stop bugging me with that!”.  As soon as the words left my mouth I felt horrible.  SS1 continued on his way as if nothing happened, but I just stood there wishing I could take back my words when I realised that there was a woman behind me, which of course compounded my guilt.  Not only was I a horrible stepmom, but a stranger was probably judging me about it too.

Then she smiled, chuckled, and said “I’ve been there.”  She went on to tell me that she had 3 step kids of her own and asked me if I had any children of my own.  I told her no and she said that she didn’t have any either.  I smiled and said that it gave me hope since she seemed to have made it out alive.  She looked at me knowingly and said that hers were grown now and they have a great relationship, and that I just needed to push through and do my best and everything will work out fine, and to not be shy about teaching them my values.  I thanked her and she smiled and continued on her way.

I went from feeling horrible to hopeful, and I hope that woman realized how her kindness and understanding helped another stepmom.  The more I reach out, the more I see that the support is out there and I am not as alone as I think, not even in the cereal aisle at the grocery store.

Inspired by Mama Kat’s pretty much world famous writing prompts - Someone I talked to today