Jailhouse blues

So my dad’s in jail, minimum security, nothing too serious.  The bigger problem is that for most of his life, my dad has stayed roughly at the maturity level of a 20 year old, letting his mother and sisters take care of the majority of his responsibilities, financial and otherwise.

When I was younger, I would come to visit my dad, but I mostly stayed with my aunts and cousins, seeing my dad for an hour here and there.  I was 25 before spending a night in the same house as my dad.  Almost 5 years ago, he had an accident, and was in the hospital for 6 weeks, and that was when our real relationship started.  We are now at a point where we accept each other as is, no judgement. 

So now here we are, he’s in jail, my aunts are in charge of his money, and they are deciding how much and when he gets any.  Needless to say, he is frustrated, and since I am the only one who goes to visit him, I am stuck between them.  My aunts complaining about how he keeps calling them for money, his money, but they don’t like how he is spending it, so they refuse.  I see them, they complain about him and how he lives his life, but they continue to enable him.  I see him, he complains about them and how they judge him and won’t help (read enable) him enough, but he is the one who keeps putting them in charge of anything.

It’s gotten to the point that I don’t even want to visit them while he is still in jail, simply because I am sick of everyone complaining but not doing anything to change the situation, and that is something I have zero patience for. 

Shit happens, life isn’t fair, and there is nothing to be gained to wallow in self pity or complaining.  I’m not saying I never complain, we all do, but I don’t just sit around waiting for things to change, I take action.  The action I take doesn’t always work, but I keep trying things until I find something that does.  As long as someone is trying to make a situation better, I am there and will do everything to help, but when people just keep going around and around in the same cycle, and the only thing they do is complain, I just get frustrated.

This has been a very emotionally two months, and there is still a whole other one left.

A Tale of Two Job Offers

As I mentioned in my previous post, just when I was starting to think about looking for a new job, 2 were offered to me in the same week

The first job is a jack of all trades kind of job. I would have one central job, but would help out in a whole bunch of other departments and places as needed.  So far the job I stayed the longest at was structured this way, and part of what I loved about it was that just when I was starting to get bored, I would be on a new project.  The pay was not as good as where I am now, but it would be in the same city, saving money and time on commuting.  I liked the boss, and the future co-workers, but I remembered all the reasons why I had left the last job I had structured that way, having an unpredictable schedule, lots of overtime, and the pay never changes.

The other is a project management job, a much more stable and structured job, focused entirely on administration.  My first thought was that it might be boring, always doing the same things, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it is probably exactly what I want in my life right now.  I spent my 20s mostly in a perpetual state of chaos, not all bad chaos, but still chaos.  My jobs were all highly unstable, project or contract based, which meant that there was never a certainty that I would have work in six months.  This had its good side, it allowed me to try out a lot of different jobs, industries and skills, and was generally very flexible, perfect for an adult in training who still doesn’t know what she wants to be when she grows up.  Not ideal however, for a gal who is starting to settle down.

Now my life has gotten to a much more stable place, a place that I always thought I would rather die than get to.  There was a huge festival a few weeks ago, one that I never miss.  This festival is one of the few times a year that I really let loose and go wild like I used to before I moved closer to my family.  This year things were hectic in my life and I decided not to go.  It wasn’t really a conscious decision; I just didn’t feel the pull.   I was happy spending a quiet weekend at home, with my BF out of town for work.  Sure the fact that it was my last weekend alone before the BF moved in, and that I couldn’t remember the last time I had real, uninterrupted Me time factored into it, but still.  For the first time in my adult life, I was missing the party, and happy about it.

Last week I accepted job #2, I start on the 17^th, and gave 3 weeks notice to my current job.  From what people have told me, the boss is great, and it is far from boring, so I’m pretty excited about my choice.