Thursday, April 25, 2013

A year ago

A year ago this week on my blog, there was nothing.  A year ago we were living one of the hardest things one can as a family, the possibility of one of the children being abused, and not knowing by who.  We were meeting with children’s services, and generealy just trying to keep our s**t together.

A year ago I had hope, because the kids’ mom and us were acting as a unit, a team, in the best interests of the kids.  I had hoped that it would be a new beginning for us all.

Sadly, my hopes were dashed, and while everthing worked out last year, this year is different.  

A year later we are having to fight for my BF’s visitation with the kids, and with the constant threats on her part that she will make sure we never see them.  This year, instead of her asking for my help, she is hurling insults and threats at me.  It has been over two months since she said she no longer wanted to see me or hear from me, and I have respected that.  Now she says that she wants a court order to make sure I can’t have contact with the kids, that I would have to leave my home when they are there.

ven if I know I have done nothing wrong, the threat is there.  I wonder what vile thing she will say, what will she accuse me of in order to get her way.  I know she can’t simply say «  I don’t want my kids to see her » as a reason, so what will she say?  I worry constantly about what she says to the kids about me, and how she may be making them feel conflicted about their feelings.

A year has passed, and though the particuliar situation has changed, I am still just trying to go one daya t a time and keep my s**t together.  This time it is much harder to hope and have faith that everything will work out.  I keep trying to remember my Nanny’s words, « when things are so dark that you can’t see the light, you just look down at your feet and focus on each step, eventually you will reach the light. »

Inspired by Mama Kat’s pretty much world famous writing prompts - Look into your archives. What were you blogging about a year ago around this time? Are you still dealing with the same thing? Your thoughts?

Mama’s Losin’ It


  1. I hope this year turns out better for you.

  2. I remember when I saw my lawyer when I was getting my divorce and I wanted to know if I could keep my cousin who was having an affair with my husband (both were on meth) from being around my kids and the answer was you are wasting your time unless they have been arrested for it, otherwise you have no proof. At this time my ex had no job and neither did she all of their money was coming from drugs but according my lawyer there was nothing I could do. Now that I'm a little wiser I think he could have requested drug tests at least on my husband but I think that would have been it.

    1. In a strange way this reassures me since I am not on meth lol.

      It's one of those things where even if you know in your logical brain that you have done nothing wrong and that they probably can't do anything, the emotional fear is still there.