Thursday, February 27, 2014

My 2014 Goals update

 My 2014 Goals

#1 – Finally get out of debt – I am down to 3000$ so just a few more months (If you recall I was at aver 9000$)

#2 – Get active/Lose weight – I want to shed my depression/stress weight and get back to feeling good in a tank top or bathing suit.  Only 23lbs to go.(18 lost)

#3 – Let it go - I have come to the realization that I have fought for my BF and step kids as much as I can in my position.  The rest has to be my BF, I need to let go of the steering wheel and focus on being a great co-pilot.  Also, I need to let go of drama that is not mine.

#4 – Rediscover me – For quite a while now, I’ve been feeling a little, I don’t know, lost maybe.  Everything has revolved around the BF, the step kids, the Ex, and I just feel like my identity has gotten a bit lost in the mix, at the very least needs me to rediscover who I am NOW.  I’ve even been at the point where I don’t recognize myself anymore.  Goal #3 should help with that, #2 also.  I’ve been reading A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, and it’s helped me see that I have been falling into a lot of roles lately, when I should be just being me.

Inspired by Mama Kat's writer's workshop: Update your readers on your 2014 goals. How are things going? Are you staying on track or facing some challenges?

Mama's Losin' It

Friday, February 21, 2014

No one wins, no one loses

This post has been a while in the works, mostly because I have needed time to process my own emotions, as well as help the people around me with theirs.  I kept writing through the holidays, and the New Year, but didn’t post because I was too much of an emotional raw nerve.  Now I’ve had time to process things, so I’m back.

We got the answer for the custody, and while we didn’t get joint custody like we wanted, we still gained ground.  To summarize, my BF had visitation every other weekend a week in the summer, and three extra days at New Year’s.  We wanted joint custody; The Ex wanted more child support and less visitation.

We ended up with joint custody in the summer, but the rest of the year stays the same, so we end up with 4 extra weeks a year with the kids.  While it’s not what we wanted, we are still happy because 1) We get more time with the kids, and 2) A judge confirmed that my BF is a good dad, so her constant threats that she will take away his visitation rights no longer have any weight.  Also, because he will have the kids more, his child support goes down.

All in all, we take it as a win, we are further ahead than we were, and the most important part, the kids are happy with knowing that they will get more time with their dad.

All we have left now is to try and agree on which weeks each parent gets during the summer, and it’s looking like it will be decided in court.  My BF wants a fair 5 weeks each, she wants 6-4 in her favour of course, but that’s another battle.

We talked it out, and we decided not to appeal the decision, it was so hard on everyone, us, the kids, that we just aren’t ready to go through that kind of emotional wringer again right away.  We will take the win and focus on building on what we have.

Thursday, February 20, 2014


I was talking with a friend the other day, a fellow stepmother, and we came to the idea that since mothers and fathers get parental leave, we stepparents should get an extra week’s vacation per year. I know I could use it.

In the past three years of stepmother hood, I have lost my job 3 times, and because of this, I have only gotten one week vacation per year instead of the usual two since I have always been starting over. Since we get the kids for one week in the summer, I’ve taken my week then. This means that between jobs, the kids, and the custody battle, I have gotten exactly zero true vacation days in the past three years.

This realization stemmed from the fact that I have been a little too eagerly looking forward to my BF going away this weekend. He’s the one going on a trip, but I am more excited than him. I will have about 50 hours all to myself, no kids, no BF, just me and the cats. I plan to make them count. I know most people are thinking “hey, that’s life with kids, there is no vacation” and I understand that point of view, but my reality is that I live alone for over 10 years before my BF moved in, and I loved it. I work as a receptionist, my job is to be social, so when I get home, I like the quiet, and I miss the quiet.

All of this made me think of an episode of Sex and the City, where they talk about their secret single behaviours, for some people it could be peanut butter on saltines while reading vogue, for me it’s reading a good book, or sleeping in. I just need to be accountable only to myself for a little while. I will probably clean or organize a closet or something, but the point is that I will do it because I want to, not because I have to, or someone needs me to. I guess you could say I need to be selfish for a couple of days to recharge.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my BF and step kids more than I thought possible, and I don’t begrudge the attention they need, but lately I have just been feeling so empty, more apathetic than I usually am, and I know it’s just that I need to take care of me.

So this weekend, I am going to sit in my living room, close my eyes, and listen to the quiet.

Inspired by Mama Kat's writer's workshop : Write a blog post inspired by the word: vacation

Mama’s Losin’ It