Monday, July 25, 2011

Dealing with a Babymomma

My boyfriend has 3 young children (2, 4, and 6) and a very difficult relationship with the ex. 

I have a great relationship with the kids, they are always reaching to be picked up or wanting hugs from me, we have fun together.  I try to give them as much alone time with their dad as I can, not spending the night when they are there, etc.  My BF and I also hold back on the PDAs when they are around.  I figure they are still getting used to the idea that mom and dad aren’t getting back together, and the most important thing is building their new relationship with dad.  It’s one thing accepting the breakup of parents, it’s a whole other thing to give up on the hope that they will get back together.

I grew up not seeing my dad often, so I am always telling the BF to do what it takes to see his kids, and that the kids are what is important.  So when it came to the ex, I tried to keep in mind that there are 2 sides to every story, and that I would not form my opinion based on what others involved said, but wait and form my own opinion by her current actions.  I hate it when people try to predict my future actions based on mistakes I made in the past, so I try not to do it to others.

That being said, HOLY CRAP!  She is very manipulative and controlling, and apparently has not understood that she and he are no longer together, so he does not have to bend to her every whim, but every 2 weeks, it’s the same thing.  By Wednesday she wants something, the lawn mowed, for him to buy something, changing the days he has the kids, right down to sometimes she just wants to talk to him, and it has to be right now, or she starts saying he won’t get to see the kids.  They live in different cities, 30 minutes away, and no matter how busy he is, he has to drop everything, or no kids.

And God forbid he is too busy to answer the phone, because she will keep calling, over and over again, and after about 10 times, she’ll call me, day or night, demanding to know where he is.  I try telling her that I am at work, or that I don’t know where he is, but she cannot seem to fathom that I don’t demand to know his whereabouts 24/7.  One time we were in another city (it was her weekend with the kids) and she called and texted 17 times wanting to know where he was and what he was doing.

One time she even called me to tell me about how my BF was horrible to her, all of the things he did (all of which he had already told me himself) and to tell me that he wasn’t with me because he wanted to be with me, that I was just a crutch, right before she asked me to watch the kids.

I’m at the end of my rope, no patience left, and I don’t know what to do.  The BF and I are talking about moving in together, but I don’t know if I can take her being even more involved in my day to day life.  Any advice?

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Dancing in public

Don’t you just love it when you hear a song in a completely random setting and it brings up a memory buried deep in your mine, but in comes up so vividly that you’d swear you were back in that place, that time?

Today I was sitting at an event for my job and there was almost no one there, soooo bored. Then the song sway (the shaft version) came one.  This version came out in 1999, so it’s pretty rare that it comes on the radio, but at the time it was on all the time, it was THE summer song.  It made me remember a guy I worked with at my first full time job in promotions.  Whenever this song would come on, he would stop whatever it was he was doing, come over, grab me and we’d dance.

It got me thinking about the me I was back then, 18, fresh out of high school, working insane hours, travelling for work, and making more money than I knew what to do with, and spending it as fast as I could make it.  This was all before I got my first real life bitchslap.  I remember feeling all grown up, invincible, all knowing and wise.

So much has happened since then, so much has changed, but the urge to break out into dance at a great song in a random setting is still strong.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Proverbial Piano

I recently started a great job that I love.  It’s with a non-profit that promotes buying locally.  I’ve been there all of a month, and when I interviewed for the job, I told them about how I was tired of starting over again and again and that I was looking for something stable where I could build myself a career.

I waited two weeks for the answer, and when I got the call saying they wanted me to start the next day, I was elated, jumping up and down generally bouncy kind of happy.  In order to get the job you had to be eligible for a government subsidy, which I happily fought through the red tape to get, filling out all of the paperwork, waiting for almost 4 hours to speak with someone, assuring the nice lady that yes this was a permanent job, and that yes I understood that by signing up for this program that I would not be eligible for another subsidy for a couple of years, yadda yadda.  I went through it all happily because I had finally found my career, my place.

So I made my plan for the first year, I work in marketing by the way, planning out my short, medium, and long term strategies and goals, and then I got to it.  Working my butt off, doing events on weekends, researching during my spare time at home, banking all of my overtime for use someday in the future.

Then, today, I’m meeting with the coordinator (and only other co-worker) about the board of directors meeting last night, where she presented my report on where I’m at and where we are going, it comes out that it is urgent that we increase revenues.  At first I was all ok, a non profit that needs more money coming in, no surprise there.  Then I realized that there was a lot more urgency in her tone than usual.  I asked her, how much of an increase are we talking, double, triple, quadruple, kind of laughing.  Then she said triple and I stopped smiling.  I was expecting something like a 50% increase at most.  Then I asked, what kind of a time frame we are talking, within 6 months she said.

Wow, talk about having a proverbial piano dropped on you.  I realized that we were talking survival mode more than growth.  I had been hired as a last ditch effort, not as an addition to the team to help it grow.  I told her that since the government subsidy was for a year I had assumed that I had a year to work, especially since half of the things I’m doing don’t have immediate results.  I explained to her that in marketing I can’t just focus on the short term, and delay all of the long term.  She told me that the money just wasn’t there long term. All she could say is that she had mentioned that our jobs were on the line, and that they couldn’t exactly hire someone by saying how bad the situation was.

You accept a certain amount of uncertainty when you decide to work in the non-profit sector, especially when the organization is new, but is it too much to expect that unless otherwise indicated, your job will last more than 6 months.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

How did I get here? And where are my shoes?

How did I get here? And where are my shoes?

So here I am, I’m finally doing it, after many friends telling me I should, and a whackload of time trying to figure out how to do it right, I’m starting the blog.

I live in an area where I feel very psychologically isolated, surrounded by people, but alone in 99% of my opinions, beliefs, and priorities.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the people in my life now and don’t regret coming here, but sometimes I just feel like screaming.

I’m a 29 year old vegetarian with a shoe obsession in debt and only have the slightest of notions as to who this grown up me is, and even less of where I’m going.  To be honest, I never planned past 28, so for the past year I’ve been kind of floating around, kinda hoping for some big hand to come down out of the sky and point to where I’m supposed to be headed. 

I’ve been through therapy, read a crapload of self-help books, and sought advice from every person I could think of.  So far all I’ve got is that I’ve decided to just be me.  It seems so simple as a concept, but was and is really hard sometimes.  I try not to do anything just because I should, and have stopped trying to follow other people’s paths to happiness.  The nit hit me that the next step in my journey may just be to put this me I’ve discovered so far out there, that maybe talking about my chaos may help me find some semblance of order.

They say the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, and I plan to make my first step in my glittery strappy sandals.