Dealing with a Babymomma

My boyfriend has 3 young children (2, 4, and 6) and a very difficult relationship with the ex. 

I have a great relationship with the kids, they are always reaching to be picked up or wanting hugs from me, we have fun together.  I try to give them as much alone time with their dad as I can, not spending the night when they are there, etc.  My BF and I also hold back on the PDAs when they are around.  I figure they are still getting used to the idea that mom and dad aren’t getting back together, and the most important thing is building their new relationship with dad.  It’s one thing accepting the breakup of parents, it’s a whole other thing to give up on the hope that they will get back together.

I grew up not seeing my dad often, so I am always telling the BF to do what it takes to see his kids, and that the kids are what is important.  So when it came to the ex, I tried to keep in mind that there are 2 sides to every story, and that I would not form my opinion based on what others involved said, but wait and form my own opinion by her current actions.  I hate it when people try to predict my future actions based on mistakes I made in the past, so I try not to do it to others.

That being said, HOLY CRAP!  She is very manipulative and controlling, and apparently has not understood that she and he are no longer together, so he does not have to bend to her every whim, but every 2 weeks, it’s the same thing.  By Wednesday she wants something, the lawn mowed, for him to buy something, changing the days he has the kids, right down to sometimes she just wants to talk to him, and it has to be right now, or she starts saying he won’t get to see the kids.  They live in different cities, 30 minutes away, and no matter how busy he is, he has to drop everything, or no kids.

And God forbid he is too busy to answer the phone, because she will keep calling, over and over again, and after about 10 times, she’ll call me, day or night, demanding to know where he is.  I try telling her that I am at work, or that I don’t know where he is, but she cannot seem to fathom that I don’t demand to know his whereabouts 24/7.  One time we were in another city (it was her weekend with the kids) and she called and texted 17 times wanting to know where he was and what he was doing.

One time she even called me to tell me about how my BF was horrible to her, all of the things he did (all of which he had already told me himself) and to tell me that he wasn’t with me because he wanted to be with me, that I was just a crutch, right before she asked me to watch the kids.

I’m at the end of my rope, no patience left, and I don’t know what to do.  The BF and I are talking about moving in together, but I don’t know if I can take her being even more involved in my day to day life.  Any advice?