Friday, January 11, 2013

Duelling Mother's in Law - Part Two

It all started on the phone.  I called her to confirm an event, I don’t remember what exactly.  I remember it was after a particularly difficult week with the kids’ mom, she was full of hateful words that week, and I was exhausted.  For the first time ever, my mother in law asked me if I was ok.  She knew what was happening with the ex, she had seen the attacks on Facebook etc., she had even gotten a little involved by sticking up for me, another first for her.

This time it was more than a casual « how are you? » for politeness, she honestly wanted to know if I was coping.  I told her that I was ok, but that I was finding it hard, that I was a bit worn out.  This led to a conversation that was different than the others we had had, which were mostly, I guess you could say, factual.  The kind of conversation that is strictly a transmission of information.  This conversation was different.  She told me things about herself, and how it was for her during her son’s separation, how worried she was.  I saw a more human side to her, and opened up a little more myself.

I was so surprised by this conversation that I even mentioned it to my sister in law, who was dumbfounded.

The a couple of weeks ago, I was in the kitchen with her and she told me about how the kids’ mom had come over with the kids that week and had told her about all of the incidents we had gone through with the kids this past year, things that she had begged and pleaded with us not to tell my BF’s mother for fear of how she would react.  We agreed, though it was mostly to protect the kids than her.

She asked me to sit down and tell her everything, the real story.  She knows the Ex well, especially her tendency to exaggerate, She poured us each a glass of wine and I told her everything.  It was honestly a relief, knowing that we no longer need to watch our words.  I told her about how we had had to meet with child protective services twice this year, but that we (BF and I) were in no danger of losing the kids.  I told her how we had been to see two lawyers, as well as one of the kids’ psychologists.  I reassured her that we were doing everything that could be done, and that our ducks were in a row, and that we were ready to act should we ever believe the children needed intervention.  I even told her our reasons for not intervening.

It was a long talk.

And then my mother in law, this woman who had been so distant with me up until then, who rarely admitted I could be right, and barely acknowledged my role in her family. looked me in the eyes, with a tear in her own and said « thank you ».  She said that she was so grateful I was there looking out for her son and his children, and that she didn’t know what would have happened with all of this had I not been there.  She told me that she was in full agreement with our choices, including the one to not tell her immediately.  She also told me that we had her full support, whatever we should choose to do.  Best of all, she said that she could see how much I love my family, and that I really do love the children as if they were my own.

These were the nicest thing she has ever said to me, and a new beginning for our relationship.

Part One

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